I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
