Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
