Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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