everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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