I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
