tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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