Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
