He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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