then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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