somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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