Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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