woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
