Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
