I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize