Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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