Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
