did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
