there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I touched a dick in church today
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
