I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
