Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
