she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
