Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
