How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
