you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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