Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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