he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
