Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
