It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
