grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
