Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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