What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
