I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
