What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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