He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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