I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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