I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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