I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
