And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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