I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
