Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
