What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize