i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
