apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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