there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
