Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
