I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
