i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
