she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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