is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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