I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
