Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize