So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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