I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
