If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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