brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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