he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
