When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dicks are not precious.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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