Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
