So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
