hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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