my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
