I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
