You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
