I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
