my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
