the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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