So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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