i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
